今天我要来说是我最近学到的东西

我最近的生活和一年以前特别不一样。 我现在的生活和六个月以前也完全不一样。 对我来说，我现在的生活是有点理想的。 当然有很多方面我想变，但是我慢慢在注意到我心里真的想要的是什么样的生活。 难怪我在老家的时候我那么郁闷。 我那时郁闷的样子是因为我没有工作， 但是也是因为我那时对我自己的状态不太满意。 我那时的习惯是不理想的。 但是我没法控制我自己因为我没有一个很好的工作， 一个很好的让我自己不想想坏事的事情。

因为我现在有工作， 一切是好一些，但是我还是想要的更多。 我想要的更多的工作职责， 也想要更多的两个方面的知识。一个当然是中文和德语知识， 第二是技术和工作专业知识。 我在想，我应该不应该学习Python oder Java, 等等。 第三个是我个人私人的问题，但是当时没法解决。说实话，我是真的想解决我单独性的问题吗？ 我有点喜欢我这样单独。 我也喜欢我新的健康的生活样子。 如果有其他人在我生活里，我能实现我的梦吗？

我有时候觉得我自己在坐井观天。如果我能更有自信，我能做得到更多的事。我不能有这么窄的展望。

展望前程，信心百倍。

坐井观天是一个我前天学到的成语。 意思是: look at the sky from the bottom of a well; to have a very narrow view.

这是一个画家叫做David Brody. 我工作在thegreatcourses.com 然后他给我们做了一节课叫"How to Draw." 这是他以前画的一种画。说是话，我满喜欢他的风格。有点淫秽(yinhui) 但是同样的是他画的颜色都让我感觉很舒服。 有些同事不喜欢这种画但是我特别能欣赏。

Living takes place

I’ve moved into a big house, and I share it with a family (friends from China) that lives upstairs. There is the woman, Fern, Fern’s daughter, and then Fern’s mother. Three generations of women in one big house. Oh, and I cannot forget to mention Fern’s newborn – the baby was born on July 5, two days after I arrived. I witnessed the childbirth and spent my birthday in the hospital. What a most unorthodox first few days in Northern Virginia.

Most of the house is not used, and the parts that are used are used in ways I see as ridiculous and absurd. For example, there are empty showcases in the master bedrooms and throughout the house, an unused swimming pool in this July heat, and a bed made of doors on the living room floor that is slept on by Fern, Fern’s daughter, and Fern’s mother. The newborn’s crib is just beside this bed. I think they will move upstairs and all sleep in the upstairs Master bedroom when the baby is a few months old. And then there is me in the basement, for I am American and the only one in this house that speaks fluent English. I have set up the basement to my American liking. Another detail -- the milk spoils regularly in this house, I surmise, and the jugs are not rinsed out.

The newborn will grow up speaking just as I do, but the woman’s daughter, Shae, only moved here last August. She will be in 2^nd grade when the new school year beings. The grandmother may know nothing beyond “hello”, of that I am almost certain. "Sorry", "no", and "okay" are met with blank stares. I've never tested  her on hello, but I do like to give people credit. Fern speaks a bit of English, but not enough to let the lawnmowers know that they broke a pipe in the front yard and that the pipe must be replaced (I had to do that this morning). They were very happy with my ability to communicate this to the lawnmower. I didn’t see the exchange between me and the goggled man as much at all.

“Hey! Hey!” ::arms flailing, on the front yard, in PJs::

“Yes, miss?” ::fast paces toward me, donning a whistling weedwacker::

“Look at this pipe. The cap is missing and the pieces are shattered.”

“Oh, no problem. Let me cover it with an orange cone and then we will come back next Thursday and fix it.”

“Okay, thank you!”

::praise me, praise me, high five, good job::

Northern Virginia Impressions

New to the area and a new life with a new car and a new apartment. I love it here, and even though I am not much of an asset to society as of yet, I do have purpose. I also have menial wages but with room to grow and a newfound gusto that did not so much as exist in Bristol. I feel like I am on my own, and things are going to turn out okay.

I live in Great Falls, Virginia and with a very well-to-do family I'm friends with, but Great Falls is, in fact the wealthiest county in the state of Virginia. Not many people in Great Falls rent houses and the houses are owned by families in Northern Virginia who want to tuck themselves away from the urban madness that is Northern Virginia. I have not heard wonderful things about Northern Virginia, or the entire DC metropolitan area, for that matter. People come here for work and for the money, and after having lived abroad for many years, I have alas been spoiled by public transportation. As a whole, if you are coming back to the states from having lived abroad and want more of the same vibe that you had while abroad, I would not recommend Northern Virginia. For my wandering sentiment, I would choose remote countryside and teleworking or else going from neat city to neat city for year to year. But, if you are in need of a job and income, then Northern Virginia can be your place. Getting around and making friends is nearly impossible though.

我已经在北弗吉尼亚有了不长的时间，但是我已经觉得我生活进入了一个新的一段。 的确我是没有真正的工作但是我有点收入也有点有意义的是我在干。 我能工作，但是需要时间， 需要提高我自己的能力和修改一些东西。然后一切就会放松一些。 我已经感觉到比在我在Bristol 的时间好的超级多。 说实话，我比较开心。

Ich bin neue hier in Nord Virginia aber mit neues Auto und neues Wohnung. Ich liebe es heir, und obwohl ich habe keine wirkliche Arbeit, ich habe etwas zu tun und ein bisschen Einkommen. Ich fühle mich wohl und das ist viel besser as früher in Bristol. Alles werde okay sein. 

Life is CHANGING

My life in Bristol has been abhorrent. I loved teaching and the days I spent at home reading, playing the piano or guitar, studying, and spending time with my parents. The social scene has been so-so. The desire to flee is overwhelming. I have allowed myself to obsess over ridiculous things, and I want to change and be a better person in a better place. I realize that a change in location will not automatically better things for me, and a happier disposition requires so much of my own effort. I think that the change in location will be beneficial because it always has been for me in the past.

Screw this city and this lifestyle I have maintained for the past 5 months. I cannot wait to WORK and earn money. I do not care what I do, but I want to be kept busy and to learn new things, meet new people, and have new adventures. I can't wait to get out of here!

I want SO much out of life. I will confess it all right now. I eventually want a good job. To some, this goes without saying. I want to save money and have a nice apartment with wonderful (but not too many) accessories and tools. I want the lifestyle of a minimalist. I want urban and maybe both the city and countryside. I want to surround myself with beauty, health and athleticism (not that hippy dippy yoga health but just general health...I'll just say this: I want to surround myself with vegetables). I want a funny, entrepreneurial, handsome, Mann who adores me. And that is all. When can this happen? 

联系

我的记忆不好。

我今天得给我自己一个小考试， 但是每周都考验自己有什么用？

我现在的谷歌Chrome的soso不行。 我突然一点汉子都不能写。 这个对我来说是一个很倒霉的事情因为我的谷歌里面是有一个很好的翻译软件。 中国的Explorer 没有这个翻译的软件。

我的叔叔在我家现在。 这个Memorial Day 他是过来看看我母亲， 他的妹妹。 说实话， 我不喜欢和他聊天。 我现在讨厌我自己因为我语言水平没有什么大进步， 我也没有得到了一个好的工作， 也浪费了很多我的时间。 这对我来说是一个不可原谅的事情。

我需要学新的东西， 得了新的知识， 不想再浪费任何时间。 但是我这样的人，我发现我好不容易坚持下去。 我的转心里有点不行的啦。 我这怎么办呢。 这算是我最大的浩劫。 

Bristol Rant

I want to share with you something I've learned. It was a mistake to take a degree in anthropology because I can't stand primitive people - they're dumb. 

The Cartesian dictum "I think therefore I am" might better be expressed "Hey, there goes Edna with a saxophone!"

The mired image of a Bristol hipster sophisticate swimming through my head.Confident folk but isn't confidence what you have before you understand the problem?

Europe - can you guess the cities? 

Why care to have rich experiences in alternate lives? You read books, see interesting lifestyles on TV, and I actually want to know these people and see if I can mingle. I wish I could alter my hopes and desires, and maybe such aspirations with result in catastrophe. Constant struggle Madame Bovary style, but if you aren't happy and content then you must leave. But if 80% of success is just showing up, all I have to do is be in that place, and I am set.

America is difficult in that I am hours and hours away from urban areas. But, on a brighter note, I am much closer to cows and Baptist preachers. If I were from the Netherlands, an urban hub would be only a couple hours away from my hometown, and Paris, London, Berlin, and other European beauties (including Sophia Loren, Kate Middleton and the lady in the enchanted castle commercial) would be only a train ride away.

I am very humble, but very few people know the amount I have experienced. Most think I was in China for a few years and that I taught English and then got my Master's in Germany. I think many fail to realize how self-sufficient, confident, and fearless I am. I know many people who have gone to China through agencies and then rely on the agent to take care of all the problems, housing concerns, translation concerns, etc. etc. Not me. I found the school by myself and I thrived in unknown areas. I can somehow figure out exactly what I need to be doing and how I need to treat situations in order to do well and not, well, die or look stupid. I navigated China for years, job after job, friend after friend, connection after connection, apartment after apartment, and I eventually accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish. I did not go through some dinky agency to teach English in China, no, I found the rural school I was after and accomplished my duties there. After that, I spotted just want I wanted in Beijing - a downtown apartment, a sweet office job, and close friends. I see all that as something I was able to accomplish within a year. After I had had enough of all that (or after I could not see much more of a future for myself in China), I was ready for Europe. I learned some German and I finished my Master's thesis in time.

NOW WHY THE STRUGGLES? I thrive while abroad, and now the tables have turned. I am so scared and cannot thrive in my native environment...

Oh and I am also really happy with my last relationship in Europe. But, alas, we are too different, and I think he is an excellent companion nonetheless and I am happy to have spent 2 wonderful years with him.

In the meantime, furthering of dread and disgust as role as substitute teacher has come to close. Alas, none of the NGOs, Think-Tanks, or blue-chip firms have called me back.

Bristol is always my post-abroad experience, and can the American happiness I am looking for be found elsewhere, or am I so deeply changed and different from my fellow Americans that I won't be able to stand their selfish, self-important, greedy, better-than-you attitudes. This behavior does not exist in communist societies, and we as humans are not so far removed from these comrades.

The main thing for me is that there is nothing of purpose to do in Bristol. I enjoyed the teaching experience, but other than that, my stimulation has come in very limited form these past 5 months. Physically, I have run and biked a lot, and intellectually I have tried my hardest given no classes, no clubs, no foreigners. Emotionally, I have steered clear of every pass made at me just based on the fact that I know exactly what I am looking for and I have my exact preferences. I need BIG because the universe is big and complicated and I do not want to dwell on a select few. On that note, I believe that there is something out there watching us, but unfortunately it is the government.

I have always always had an affinity for deadpan mathematicians and engineers or aspiring entrepreneurs, but not insurance salesmen because they are always trying to sell you insurance. The other day, on lunch break in the teachers' lounge, I was stuck sipping coffee beside an insurance salesman and it was one of the most harrowing and terrible experiences in this world besides Auschwitz and the Big Bang. 

My Favorite Woody Allen Films

Woody Allen is my idol, and I've decided to rank my favorite Woody Allen films. Elaboration may be included later. 

1) Love and Death I adore every other line in this film. The music (Prokofiev) is also brilliant. The film is the perfect degree of touching and hysterical.

Boris: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm dead.

Sonja: What's it like?

Boris: What's it like? You know the chicken at Tresky's Restaurant? It's worse.

Boris: I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

Boris: Oh, if only God would give me some sign. If He would just speak to me once. Anything. One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.

Boris: And so I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Actually, make that "I run through the valley of the shadow of death" - in order to get OUT of the valley of the shadow of death more quickly, you see.

Sonja: And I want three children.

Boris: Yes. Yes. One of each.

2) Husbands and Wives

3) Deconstructing Harry

4) Crimes and Misdemeanors 

5) Hannah and Her Sisters

6) Manhattan

7) Manhattan Murder Mystery

8) Match Point

9) Bullets Over Broadway

10) Sleeper

11) Annie Hall

12) Everything You Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask

Following this, I love others such as Stardust Memories, Bananas, Zelig, Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy, Mighty Aphrodite, Melinda and Melinda, Anything Else, Scoop, Midnight in Paris, Vicki Christina Barcelona
And then come ones I am not really interested in such as Don't Drink the Water and Picking Up the Pieces
I've not seen Cassandra's Dream and Irrational Man (2015) but I believe I've seen all his other major motion pictures. 

我心里有事

我心里有事。

最近都是那样。 奋斗奋斗， 和自己挣扎。 我哪里开心， 我哪里不开心？ 我什么都有， 我什么都没有。 说实话， 我什么都没有。 主要是， 我知道我需要奋斗，需要挣扎。 我已经有那种感觉我自己挣扎的挣扎的好久。 在我的生活当中，有三四个东西是最重要：身体，工作，爱情，家庭。。。我的身体很好，但是我没有保险。 我试过了报名这个美国保险，但是他们给我说我需要等到11月份。 好烦。 这是我第一次我没有保险， 我很害怕。 工作呢 - 我就是一个替代老师，没什么有意思。 说实话， 我的老板们都挺喜欢我了。 其他的老师都很惊讶， 我说我不是一个真正的老师。 后来我解释说， 我会中文， 会点德语， 是在国外住过那么长时间。 对我来说， 现在一点也没有一个终点站。 我不想放弃。 我不想找个伴结婚生孩子。我想奋斗，玩，谈恋爱，喜欢我的伤心的样子。 我好痛苦，但是有点喜欢。 伤心的样子的我也那么有意思因为你可以思考很多东西。我还在生活。 有时候我特别特别害怕我的未来， 因为我是一个女生。 在这个国家女生没有男生机会多。 而且， 我不是来自一个很富有的家庭。

钱什么时候能赚到手？ 货物什么时候到手？ 钱多多益善？ 有钱能使鬼推磨？

我对我自己特别严格。 我的要求非常高。 我什么都想要 - 我知道我想要的是什么， 我想一直追下去。 我不能往回走。 不能当老师在Bristol, 但是有领导们给我说过他们特别需要我这种人。 对啊， 因为我努力。 我要继续努力，一直到我实现我的梦想。 我喜欢一直乱七八糟的走下去。 我想要更多，妈的逼。 

你对我什么都不是

一开始谈恋爱的时候， 人家会觉得对方特别有意思， 会对他、她特别好。 有时候你会特别喜欢上一个人， 但是对方对你没什么好感。 但是因为你有这种特别乐意，美妙的感觉， 人家会觉得“对方一定对我有好感。” 在这种情况下你会说很多事情， 做很多事情， 但是对方一点的不在乎。 你的思想， 他/她不会考虑。 你对对方是没什么。

思想是一个特别有权利的东西。 你需要通过你喜欢做的东西控制你的思想。 你的思想会伤害你。 你的周围也是控制你的思想。 最好， 你做你喜欢的人， 作为你想为你自己成人什么样的人。 考虑自己， 考虑一个好的未来， 你就可以了。

有时候谈恋爱是一个非常恐怖的事。 人家会认识一个人， 会觉得对方什么都是， 帅， 漂亮， 聪明， 有素质和有学历。 你觉得你自己就是是一个好人， 一个帅哥， 一个美女， 然后你就会马上觉得对方一定对你有感觉。 “我这么好！ 干嘛对方不喜欢上我！” 如果你是个非常有信心的人， 你有时候会追着你的目标， 有时候发生你你不可相信的事， 很痛苦的事， 很会伤害你的自尊心。

男的是非常喜欢追求女的。 他们会甚至那个女的忽视他还是追上了她。 不用那个女的有多少次不理他， 他还是会跟着他， 不断的打扰他。 我可不会。 一个人不喜欢上我， 就是over了， 我再不考虑到。

我回家了

怎么说的呢， 我从我两年在德国的生活回到家里。 我不可说我特开心， 说实话我有点纳闷和沉默。 这个地方是乱七八糟， 这个地方配不上我欧洲的生活。 在这里我住在我父母家， 我也没工作。 我已经到家有左右10点的时间， 我不可说所有的事情都是过的好好的。 说实话， 一切很乱。 我没有意识到的东西发生了，我不是好好申请好的工作。 我想尽快离开， 尽快找新的地方和新的生活， 我恨死了我自己在Bristol， 一个好的感觉都没有。 我必须靠着父母。 虽然我有点钱， 我不敢花它。我需要节省我的钱因为我不知道我什么时候会需要花它。 原来回家一切还行因为我能看到我3年没有看的好朋友们。 但是他们都回去了她们的生活， 只有我一个人什么都没有在这里。 我当然不想要男朋友， 这是完全不可能的事！  我再需要两天的时间好好恢复， 在开始我的寻找。

我的中文变差了。 不敢说我的德语变得怎么样啊。 过一段时间我要再继续学！