When I arrived in China 3 years ago (at the age 21), my first journal entry included the sentence:
“Chinese men are gentle, attractive and kind. American men are rude pigs.” Being with a Chinese man would be my ideal relationship. I want to have a bi-lingual family, and I want to improve my Chinese to perfection. Only I’ve had many problems with Chinese men in the dating department. I have had countless "dates" with Chinese men, and none of them ever produced the desired outcome: a strong, steady relationship. Language and culture always came between us, and we parted.
The first Chinese male I dated was Ben Ben 苯苯. We met outside a pool hall. He and his friends were shooting snooker, and I was walking around taking pictures. I stopped to pet a cat, but really I was just admiring Ben Ben’s game. When I approached, they stopped playing to engage in small talk with me. Where was I from? What was I doing? Did I like being a teacher?
Yes, this is the small talk I am ever-so acquainted with. I speak this sort of Chinese marvelously. Later that night, I went out to eat with friends. Ben Ben called wanting to meet me…for whatever reason he did not come to where we were eating, but instead, I met him outside my apartment, late at night, and we went walking along the river. We talked about basketball, Kobe Bryant, the Lakers, his job, and my job as a teacher. He probably asked me questions about the differences between America and China. This convo is typical - nothing amazing and no witty jokes were exchanged…just the basics. We saw each other the next day, and the day after that. I was developing a big crush on Ben Ben. But I made a fatal flaw.
He was in Chengdu (Sichuan’s capital), and in desperation I texted him “I think I really like you.” I held my breath and hoped hoped HOPED for a similar reply. He texted me back, “You like me, but can you marry me?” The Chinese for marry me is 嫁给我. I had no idea what to think of this, and I got very excited, only the be utterly let down 5 minutes later. “The problem is, I already have a girlfriend.” I was beyond devastated. Why hadn’t he told me before? If he were an American boy, he would have mentioned it from the beginning? I told him that I liked him and that he should break up with her. He countered this with “But we are really in love.” Nevermind that, I still wanted a Chinese boyfriend. I said goodbye to Ben Ben, deleted his phone number, and I have not spoken to him since. I wish I could, but I imagine there are so many 苯苯'’s in this world. Ben Ben are you out there? Are you still with your Chinese girlfriend?
My next date with a Chinese guy was my neighbor Lei Bo 雷波. We went to eat noodles, and then he took me for a cruise on his scooter. Very romantic, but he spoke no English, and he was too self-conscious of his job and his poor lifestyle. He always said that I could find a better man. I didn’t care that he didn’t have much.
Then came (Xin Lei) 辛累, and I went on my very first blind date with him. My masseur set us up. I was getting a massage, and like so many Chinese girls, she asked me if I liked Chinese boys. I told her yes but that he had to be tall and handsome. She said she knew just the guy. We went to eat shrimp, and we held hands as he walked me home. We spent a lot of time together, too, including a trip to Chongqing. He went out of town too often on business, and so we had to stop talking. Before I knew it, he was out of my life.
I have been asked out by the guy who sells fruit at a stand, by Beijing business-men and by a Beijing hipster who claimed to be in love with me upon seeing my face. But nothing has ever happened. Something always messes it up. I think it’s because Chinese men are scared.
“Chinese men are gentle, attractive and kind. American men are rude pigs.” Being with a Chinese man would be my ideal relationship. I want to have a bi-lingual family, and I want to improve my Chinese to perfection. Only I’ve had many problems with Chinese men in the dating department. I have had countless "dates" with Chinese men, and none of them ever produced the desired outcome: a strong, steady relationship. Language and culture always came between us, and we parted.
The first Chinese male I dated was Ben Ben 苯苯. We met outside a pool hall. He and his friends were shooting snooker, and I was walking around taking pictures. I stopped to pet a cat, but really I was just admiring Ben Ben’s game. When I approached, they stopped playing to engage in small talk with me. Where was I from? What was I doing? Did I like being a teacher?
Yes, this is the small talk I am ever-so acquainted with. I speak this sort of Chinese marvelously. Later that night, I went out to eat with friends. Ben Ben called wanting to meet me…for whatever reason he did not come to where we were eating, but instead, I met him outside my apartment, late at night, and we went walking along the river. We talked about basketball, Kobe Bryant, the Lakers, his job, and my job as a teacher. He probably asked me questions about the differences between America and China. This convo is typical - nothing amazing and no witty jokes were exchanged…just the basics. We saw each other the next day, and the day after that. I was developing a big crush on Ben Ben. But I made a fatal flaw.
He was in Chengdu (Sichuan’s capital), and in desperation I texted him “I think I really like you.” I held my breath and hoped hoped HOPED for a similar reply. He texted me back, “You like me, but can you marry me?” The Chinese for marry me is 嫁给我. I had no idea what to think of this, and I got very excited, only the be utterly let down 5 minutes later. “The problem is, I already have a girlfriend.” I was beyond devastated. Why hadn’t he told me before? If he were an American boy, he would have mentioned it from the beginning? I told him that I liked him and that he should break up with her. He countered this with “But we are really in love.” Nevermind that, I still wanted a Chinese boyfriend. I said goodbye to Ben Ben, deleted his phone number, and I have not spoken to him since. I wish I could, but I imagine there are so many 苯苯'’s in this world. Ben Ben are you out there? Are you still with your Chinese girlfriend?
My next date with a Chinese guy was my neighbor Lei Bo 雷波. We went to eat noodles, and then he took me for a cruise on his scooter. Very romantic, but he spoke no English, and he was too self-conscious of his job and his poor lifestyle. He always said that I could find a better man. I didn’t care that he didn’t have much.
Then came (Xin Lei) 辛累, and I went on my very first blind date with him. My masseur set us up. I was getting a massage, and like so many Chinese girls, she asked me if I liked Chinese boys. I told her yes but that he had to be tall and handsome. She said she knew just the guy. We went to eat shrimp, and we held hands as he walked me home. We spent a lot of time together, too, including a trip to Chongqing. He went out of town too often on business, and so we had to stop talking. Before I knew it, he was out of my life.
I have been asked out by the guy who sells fruit at a stand, by Beijing business-men and by a Beijing hipster who claimed to be in love with me upon seeing my face. But nothing has ever happened. Something always messes it up. I think it’s because Chinese men are scared.
1 comment:
Interesting blog.
Have you dated Chinese Americans? I would think language and cultural barrier don't exist, or at least not to that level.
Post a Comment